(Just copying my comments from your LJ page to here - no need to reply, darlin')
Oh Elfscribe, I love it. The entire tale is magnificent and told as only you do – marvelous detail and characterization and plot – an absolutely wonderful compilation of all I requested – and more!
I am going to parcel out my comments to one chapter a day, k? That way I can stretch it out for both of us, but suffice to say that I will cherish this gift and keep it close to my heart. (Did you make the icon? Beautiful!)
I love how you transformed Shakespeare’s quote into an oracle. That’s a terrific premise to begin the whole tale with – and poor Elphir, confident, yet ashamed. Clearly torn.
I appreciate so much that you took the time to study and weave in the maps and canon and the Sindarin. It made it so much more real to me. Especially the Sindarin, which I have missed seeing in stories of late. (Thanks to Mal for helping you with it.) At least for me, it adds so much authenticity to the story.
Your description of a faded Edhellond is gorgeously sad. I pictured it as you described, sort of a Riverside/pirate’s refuge (Tortuga?) – the seedy side of Port Royal. Bree as the The Shire hobbits saw it.
And oh, your deft touch and characterization of your secondary characters is to die for – I can’t tell you how much I loved Neled and his speech patterns. Also his convivial familiarity with Elphir. A true friendship despite their differing “classes.” And as usual, “out of the mouths of babes,” or in this case, just a old hand, the wisdom –
”I guess my cock naturally wants to point towards the Yary quarter.” “Good that I’m not relying on your cock to guide me. Howls. Yes! What wonderful, bawdy humor. I LOVE Neled.
And what a deft touch – giving Elphir the slightly pointed ears of his heritage – another one of those things that I would have never thought of – perfect! And the backstory of it – awww, poor Elphir. (Reminds me of a time when one of my brother’s friends took a knife to his face, trying to cut out his freckles – poor kid. He was a boy’s boy and just felt his freckles made him less “manly,” I guess. Thank God his mother caught him in time!)
One of my favorite phrases, too – “dwimmer-crafty.” Says so much – one just knows what it means, viscerally.
And then! Sheer genius! And a truly Shakespearean touch – the play within the play. Amazingly well thought out and executed. Bawdy as hell and oh, I could so see it happening. The mocking of the elves – (Wah. So poignant.) - and the phrases – oh God, Elfy – it is SO authentically written and performed. I swear, I saw it.
Hey beautiful, want a taste of Aman? Geez, I love how you think.
I adore your portrayal of Tancred as the aging queen. So rich – the detail in this story and your painstaking characterization of even the minor players. Like the “buxom and giggly” girl as the one for Neled – yep. Sounds just right. Rather a younger version of “Mistress Quickly.”
Dear Aelfwine – loved how you worked in the Rohirrm’s natural fear/awe of the elves. Shades of Eomer’s first encounter. Terrific. And his hesitation – the no kissing and his fear of intimacy – you showed rather than told, of his unease with the way he is repaying his family’s debt. He has to, but doesn’t really want to.
The foreshadowing with the touch of Elphir’s ears. Nice. And then, the crash. Throwing the herbs at Elphir, like a man holding a crucifix to a vampire.
This is just so damn good. A juicy beginning – I know that I love a book or a story when I begin to salivate (a weird thing – and it’s not really sexual) – just means that I want to go on and find out what happens next. More tomorrow.
no subject
Oh Elfscribe, I love it. The entire tale is magnificent and told as only you do – marvelous detail and characterization and plot – an absolutely wonderful compilation of all I requested – and more!
I am going to parcel out my comments to one chapter a day, k? That way I can stretch it out for both of us, but suffice to say that I will cherish this gift and keep it close to my heart. (Did you make the icon? Beautiful!)
I love how you transformed Shakespeare’s quote into an oracle. That’s a terrific premise to begin the whole tale with – and poor Elphir, confident, yet ashamed. Clearly torn.
I appreciate so much that you took the time to study and weave in the maps and canon and the Sindarin. It made it so much more real to me. Especially the Sindarin, which I have missed seeing in stories of late. (Thanks to Mal for helping you with it.) At least for me, it adds so much authenticity to the story.
Your description of a faded Edhellond is gorgeously sad. I pictured it as you described, sort of a Riverside/pirate’s refuge (Tortuga?) – the seedy side of Port Royal. Bree as the The Shire hobbits saw it.
And oh, your deft touch and characterization of your secondary characters is to die for – I can’t tell you how much I loved Neled and his speech patterns. Also his convivial familiarity with Elphir. A true friendship despite their differing “classes.” And as usual, “out of the mouths of babes,” or in this case, just a old hand, the wisdom –
”I guess my cock naturally wants to point towards the Yary quarter.” “Good that I’m not relying on your cock to guide me. Howls. Yes! What wonderful, bawdy humor. I LOVE Neled.
And what a deft touch – giving Elphir the slightly pointed ears of his heritage – another one of those things that I would have never thought of – perfect! And the backstory of it – awww, poor Elphir. (Reminds me of a time when one of my brother’s friends took a knife to his face, trying to cut out his freckles – poor kid. He was a boy’s boy and just felt his freckles made him less “manly,” I guess. Thank God his mother caught him in time!)
One of my favorite phrases, too – “dwimmer-crafty.” Says so much – one just knows what it means, viscerally.
And then! Sheer genius! And a truly Shakespearean touch – the play within the play. Amazingly well thought out and executed. Bawdy as hell and oh, I could so see it happening. The mocking of the elves – (Wah. So poignant.) - and the phrases – oh God, Elfy – it is SO authentically written and performed. I swear, I saw it.
Hey beautiful, want a taste of Aman? Geez, I love how you think.
I adore your portrayal of Tancred as the aging queen. So rich – the detail in this story and your painstaking characterization of even the minor players. Like the “buxom and giggly” girl as the one for Neled – yep. Sounds just right. Rather a younger version of “Mistress Quickly.”
Dear Aelfwine – loved how you worked in the Rohirrm’s natural fear/awe of the elves. Shades of Eomer’s first encounter. Terrific. And his hesitation – the no kissing and his fear of intimacy – you showed rather than told, of his unease with the way he is repaying his family’s debt. He has to, but doesn’t really want to.
The foreshadowing with the touch of Elphir’s ears. Nice. And then, the crash. Throwing the herbs at Elphir, like a man holding a crucifix to a vampire.
This is just so damn good. A juicy beginning – I know that I love a book or a story when I begin to salivate (a weird thing – and it’s not really sexual) – just means that I want to go on and find out what happens next. More tomorrow.